I may be the only one, who feels this, but it seems every time I step out to do something for God I feel alone and feel like I hear God say things, but people sometimes act weird towards you if you tell them what you heard and then a deep loneliness steeps my spirit. We have moved several times and each time we arrive in a new place I feel this loneliness. Ministry is a lonely place, because honestly not everyone has a deep calling to get closer to God, for some church is a social club, or their family has always gone, so they go, but when you aren’t raised in church there is a different outlook,( now don’t get upset, I know people raised in the church who appreciate it too.) I know where I would be without Jesus, because I’ve been there before, I have been lost. It’s funny…God speaks to each one of us everyday, but some hear and some don’t. I have always wondered why that is, and the other day I was in church and I received this, and it became clear to me that there are some Christians that are tone deaf to God’s voice. To be tone deaf means you are unable to tell the difference between musical notes..So I look at it like this, there are just some people that cannot tell the difference between God’s voice, the devil’s voice and the sounds of the world. Another very interesting about being tone deaf is this the hearing impairment only affects the sounds of music there are no other problems in any other areas concerning hearing! People around us function normally so we just assume that they are hearing from God daily like they are supposed to be. I remember one time I questioned God about this loneliness and the reply I got was how in the Bible it talks about how He didn’t have a place to lay his head! I mean at least I have a home and a family who loves me! Then think about the cross, He was hanging all alone, yes He was God then too, but He felt the loneliness you & feel otherwise He isn’t much of a God, is He? When you feel a deeper calling of God sometimes you will lose friends, even those you thought would be around always, I’m sure the fleshly side of Jesus thought Peter would never deny Him, but he did, 3 times! The end result of Peter is so much better though, he got to preach the first apostolic message! It may not seem worth the price when the loneliness sets in, but in the end your ministry will grow and progress so much more than you ever dreamed…a little pain is a small cost. I want to preface what I’m about to say with this, I’m not a person full of myself, I know anything good in us or me is because of Him. While I was growing up I always felt out of place, I’d usually have a friend or two, but I never knew why, I just never fit, and even after I got in church I felt that way sometimes too, my heart has always longed to be one with God, just really walk close to Him, and not everyone feels the same way. Recently we have been told some pretty mighty things through prophecies, and you know those feelings of discontent and loneliness has made perfect sense, in order to be used mightily of God I need to be as far from the world as I can get! And yes, that includes worldly people too, does it hurt?, yes! But the rewards that will come are so worth it…just hold on my friend, and know that He will complete the work that He has started in you! I truly believe there is a church within a church, the scripture that says not everyone that says Lord, Lord will be saved..my opinion that also includes apostolics too, we hear that is referring to denominal churches, but there are many people who use the Lord’s name who don’t really know Him or desire to…with all my heart I want to be in THE church within the church, I want my life to reflect Him, only HIM! Be encouraged if you hear Him calling you into deeper places in Him, you are truly blessed to feel the way He did, and thank God you can hear Him! I love y’all….

In Asian countries people use stray lumber to build a scafling against the building during construction , and once in awhile the workers will need an extra board to finish, so they will take a board from the ones used to make the scafling , and it then becomes part of the building, I call it a lucky board! The rest of that lumber will be discarded or used again only as a scafling for the next building that is to be built. This may be a little far out, but I was thinking about these boards used to build these scaflings, and I saw them as us in the world before God. We were old and worn out by sin, but then that beautiful day God needed another “board” to help build the church, and He reached out to that scafling and chose us! God says the church is a chosen generation, actually there are many scriptures that say we are chosen by Him for His service. We then went from the lucky board to the blessed board! Old things were passed away and everything became new, it didn’t matter how many times we were just used to make scaflings, we now had become part of the building. One of my favorite things to do is redo furniture, I go to yard sales and thrift stores to find stuff with good structure or bones so I can fix it up, and you know when I am done it looks like brand new furniture! I am so glad when we are chosen by God He never looks at our current condition, because He knows with some “paint”, some “sanding”, and cleaning we will be renewed again! Thank God He wanted us to be the blessed board not the lucky board anymore! I love y’all..

I heard an account from a person who said they were in a store in Africa when an announcement was made that there was bread in the store, well the people rushed to the front counter to get bread, they were pushing and shoving, not caring who was in their way, they just wanted that bread! These people were so desperate to get their bread they were willing to trample over people to get it, and many of them still left the store without any bread! America is currently so blessed, honestly most of us never go without a meal, but another thing I was thinking about was we aren’t only physically “full”, but we are also spiritually full too! There are churches on every corner in most places, you can have your “bread” served up anyway you want! It truly depends on us though the quality of bread we get . My kids are very picky eaters, there are stages I’m finding that kids go through when they only eat certain foods, I just continue offering them all types of foods, but still they continue to eat those few select foods. We can be that way too when it comes to spiritual bread. We are in many ways spoiled, we can be very picky eaters, God is trying to serve us the bread of giving and we choose to be stingy, He tries to serve us the bread of submission and we keep eating on the bread of rebellion! Most importantly He tries to serve us Himself….the bread of life and we keep “eating” on the breads of this world which just result in death to our souls. We need to hunger for the true bread that is Jesus (John 6: 32-35). I feel like many are are starving among us, because they are just not eating…they are not reading and studying the word, they are not attending church like they should, it’s like a person who hasn’t eaten in a long time sitting in front of a banquet and just aren’t eating, maybe because they don’t like what is being served! We need to become like those African people that were willing to do anything for that bread for their bellies, when Jesus makes the announcement that the true bread is in the house we need to be desperate to get it so our souls can live on to do His will! I love y’all…

We recently as you know moved to Texas from Hawaii, due partly to Brad’s job, and also due to the fact that we felt very strongly it was time to leave Hawaii after only over a year, but you know, God doesn’t move the way we do! We laid out a fleece before God, He answered it all, so we knew He had confirmed the feeling that it was time to leave…only God puts on the heart of a company my husband had previously worked with to give us $10,000 to get our stuff and family to Texas…we actually made $600.00 in the end! When everything for the move was finalized we began looking at areas around San Antonio, God just kept tugging at our hearts about New Braunfels, a town with German roots about 35 miles outside of San Antonio. So we started looking at homes and for a church, and on the UPCI website a name jumped out at us…Leon Suggett, we met him about 4 years earlier in a revival in Eagle River, Alaska! So, we went to visit their church, and honestly things weren’t “perfect” but it felt like home, we felt love and a hot burning revival within those walls. When Bro Suggett saw us come in he freaked out, he then put two and two together, (The Sander’s had talked with him about us at conference) that is was us they were talking about! Only God moves that way, an evangelist you meet many years earlier becomes your pastor, not only does he know us, but he also knows what we went through in Alaska. Another cool thing is our other van, we paid the payments on our van that was sitting at our friends house in Ohio for a whole long year, no matter how hard we tried we could not get rid of it, but you know, God was in that too, because we flew into Columbus, spent some time with the family, picked up that van and drove for 27 hours to Texas. Only God could keep our van in Ohio knowing we were going to need it to drive to Texas so our other van could be shipped directly there! God has blessed us with a beautiful house to rent, it is 4 bedroom/2 bath with the biggest backyard I have ever seen…really! I had seen it on craigslist awhile before we left Hawaii, so I e-mailed the owner telling him to keep us in mind if the house wasn’t rented by October, he probably thought I was crazy! You know though that is the house we are in, and I just love everything about it. When we met the owner he said there were 15-20 people who saw the house and they all wanted to rent it, but no one ever responded. He told us, I believe God wanted you to rent this house because it was like He held it for you…only God could hold a house for us for as long as He did! That is how He moves… Last weekend we had a revival with Bro Winslow, well he “called” my husband out and gave us confirmation about our ministry now and in the future…only God moves that way! He knew where we needed to be to hear those words from Him! Oh, how God moves, I’m so glad it is not how we move! I love y’all..

I woke up thinking on something this morning…running. Going back to the Bible the first “runners” were Adam & Eve, they sinned and felt bad so they hid from God, but they were found by God, and unfortunately they had to pay a very steep price for their sin! I couldn’t mention runners without mentioning Jonah. God called him to go to Nineveh to preach, but instead he ran and ended up in the belly of a great fish! What consequences…we do have total forgiveness in God, but every sin comes with a price tag attached to it. Sometimes when God calls us to do something, or He calls us to change who we are we put on our “running shoes” and off we go! I think we oftentimes get spiritual amnesia when it comes to sin, we forget that the great men & women of the Bible had to pay for our sins, so do we! Yes, Jesus went to Calvary for our sins, but we still reap what we sow, if we sow sin then sin will be all we have in our lives. Sometimes we use Calvary as an excuse to do whatever we want, but God’s law doesn’t work that way! The thought that has followed me for days is, we are one generation away from extinction, now I’m not trying to be a downer, but look at it like this, when you are in the middle of your “sin” look at those beautiful blessings God gave you and realize they are learning to live for God from you…will they live in victory or sin? I know some of you have already come to the conclusion that this is “not for you” but this is for every one of us…oh no we aren’t out smoking, drinking, or committing adultery, but what about gossiping, backbiting, and unkindness? Sin is sin in God’s eyes. When faced with the sin in us it really is easiest to just run, but if we would just surrender the blessings would be beyond belief! Look what happened with Jonah…a whole city came to repentance because he finally obeyed! Think for a moment, how many “cities” are we preventing from being saved because we are choosing to run and live in sin? At times of heartache it is very easy to turn to sin too, but you know those trials are put there to help you as well as others, I have come to a very strong conclusion and that is this, sin really can be your legacy….you know why? It truly shows God’s great delivering power, and no one can deny it happened! The problem is we want to sit around in our sins and don’t even seek that deliverance! So in turn the people of this world don’t see what they are supposed to! When a person runs their muscles get stronger and stronger as they build up the distance they run, and normally I am one who encourages fitness and staying in shape, but when it comes to spiritual running being out of shape is best unless you are running to God! Look at your life, erase the sin and those habits that aren’t helping you and turn your running shoes into God, so together we can raise a “non running” generation behind us! I love y’all…

A couple of Wednesdays ago I woke up thinking about light piercing the darkness. There are different kinds of darkness, spiritual, emotional and actual lack of light in a place. I have experienced all three, and I must say that spiritual and emotional are the most scary for me... I had post postpartum depression after my first child was born one day I seriously considered driving off a cliff, but thank God I had my new beautiful baby in the back seat, because God used her to clear my thoughts, emotional darkness is real! I have had to be delivered of that emotional darkness because it had overtaken me and I could not escape it except with deliverance! Spiritual darkness is hard because you just aren't hearing from God, or you don't know who He really is...very disturbing! The sad thing is with spiritual darkness is we allow it to come into our life's by compromise..we must consider things wisely before compromising our beliefs. I feel like this is the very reason we pass so many dark, sad people daily is because of emotional and spiritual darkness. As for actual darkness I'm not scared of it, but I remember a time as a 14 year old, I was not yet in church and I was walking home very late at night, when I started thinking of scenes from those scary movies I was wishing I had never watched! I remember asking God to help me feel safe and as soon as I finished that prayer my eye was drawn to a light on the other side of the street, and there walking the same steps as me on the opposite side of the street was a beaver, yes a wood chewing beaver! (Honestly, this is true!) To this day I'm not sure how, but having that animal walk along with me made me feel safe...he was there with me all the way home. I have often wondered about that and questioned God about it, and I truly believe that God put that beaver there, I mean I asked Him to make me feel safe, if I had looked over and saw a glowing man, I definatly would have been more scared, but a glowing beaver, who's afraid of that? That was the beginning of His light piercing the darkness of my life! The thought that came to me that Wednesday a couple of weeks ago was I saw a very dark room then suddenly I saw a dim light come in and the darkness was pierced by just that dim light! My mind began seeing the room get brighter and brighter when finally the darkness was gone! When are life's are dark with sin God pierces the darkness and as we clean out our hearts through the Holy ghost our life's get brighter and brighter! The key for us is we need to let more of that light come in so we can be completely consumed by the light of Jesus! The other night I was checking on my kids and I was standing in the hall in darkness when I noticed something, we have a night light that changes colors between red and green, the red looks dark and the green will brighten the room back up, God said that is how I work, even when you look around and see only darkness my light will always pierce it, no matter how dark our days may get God's light will always break through, the darkness of a room is gone that suddenly, when we turn on a light because the darkness has to surrender to the light, the devil and his tactics and the world's affects cannot stand in the presence of “THE LIGHT” they must surrender their hold, so my dear brother or sister just stand strong and know that all you have to do is make sure that light is “turned on” in you, because in His time the darkness will be gone and you days will be lit again!!! I love y'all....

I was talking with a friend today when it just hit me...it is okay to be you..and me! Sometimes we feel like we shouldn't “make any waves” and I'm not saying you should either, but I also believe God wants us to be who He made us to be..why else would He make us all different personalities and put us in different backgrounds? I don't believe we should walk around with pride thinking we are “all that” either, but God does give every person in the church a ministry that they are called to do, and when they are in their ministry they work effectively! The church will function properly, and in order when the arm doesn't try to be the heart. The human body is an amazing, mind baffling thing...all systems work together as they were created to do..we were created to praise the Creator, and to win souls through our ministry! There is a confidence and a peace when you know you are functioning in your God called ministry! There are ministries that everyone of us are called in, one often overlooked one is compassion, every person that calls themselves a Christian should have compassion..I know there are a lot of people out there who are not honest, they come up to you or your cars and ask for money, but you what? If we give it in Jesus' name who cares what they do with it...we are doing it as unto Jesus anyway! God allows us to go through hard and good times in our life's so we can function in our ministry, when my husband & I are doing what we know God called us to do, it operates perfectly..the way it is supposed to, not perfect in the sense we are perfection, but that He is, and He is the one who placed the seeds of that ministry in our hearts and caused it to grow through experience and compassion! It takes faith to function in your ministry too, and that mustard seed of faith will in God's time grow into the “tree” it is meant to be..faith without works is dead! We were under a pastor that taught us it was okay to be you, and to be confident, not in yourself, but God knowing full well that He is worthy of that confidence, because He will never let you down! It grieves my heart when I think that there are so many people in our pews that are full of ministry, but because they aren't feeling confident enough to step out they don't! People need to feel safe enough that they will stretch their faith. There are times when God tells me to go say something to a brother or sister, well usually God only gives me one word, but when I get there and begin to speak He fills in the rest for me, so if I only went on what God gave me I'd probably never go! Like a baby bird, when they break out of their egg they have to be fed constantly by both parents or they will die, they cannot take care of themselves! After awhile they begin maturing and then they can do what God created them to do, fly! The same goes for us, we have to be “fed” by God those seeds of ministry, then in time we will do what we are called to do! I think so many of us would be happier if we knew our ministry and had confidence in that ministry, I really believe our churches would change, because the power of the Holy ghost would begin operating in the way the Bible says it is supposed to, and then sign and wonders WILL follow! I love y'all...

One of my favorite dvd's to watch is Little House on the Prairie, I just like the innocence of it! I was watching an episode the other day, it was about a man named Tinker Jones, in this episode the towns people are fighting about whether their church should have a bell or not! Of course Mrs Olsen wants to pay for it, so she can have her name on it...the other families just don't think that is such a great idea, so needless to say there is a lot of fighting going on. The episode centers around this guy Tinker, he is a deaf mute man with a heart of gold! He makes little animals and figures out of metal for the children, and one day they are all at his house watching him while he crafts animals for them, when they begin fighting just like their parents! Tinker is upset by this and stops them, and using a chalkboard tells them of his plan to make a bell for the church, he draws pictures to show the children their part, and so the children find all the metal they can on their farms to make this bell....I have seen the episode several times before, but it really spoke to me this time! Sometimes we fight and argue about some of the smallest things in our churches, and in our homes! Our calling is to win the lost and love our brethren..no we will not always agree about everything, but you know if we are truly serving God, and living a holy life, what is the problem? I want my life to have the spirit of this character, Tinker Jones! I want to be a peacemaker, my God is the peace speaker after all! The world we live in is filled with storms and uncertainty, people want peace and unity! I want peace to follow me everywhere I go. There can be no unity without peace...we need peace in our homes, in our churches, and in our organizations! Another thing is we need to be careful for the next generation, if we have little peace they will have none! Every decision and word affects them...I mean our children, but also new converts! Tinker and the children construct this bell, together, and at the end they put it up on the church and begin ringing it, and soon the whole town shows up. By the end of the show the parents all realize how trivial the matter really was..they learned a very important lesson from their children and Tinker! When people dwell in unity and peace a “bell” begins ringing for everyone to hear, it proclaims we are in unity and God is here, and is using us! My heart longs to be like Jesus, I want to bring peace and unity to everyone....although he is only a character Tinker displayed the attitude I want to have..... I love y'all....

I'm not a quilt maker, but I sure do admire the beauty of the quilt a person takes the time to make! I personally know the time that goes into it, I have a friend who has made some real beauties! I got ambitious once and ordered some really nice quilt squares, all black & white and decided I would at least make a miniature quilt to hang on the wall. When I got all my stuff I tried to sew it and put it together, but I could not get the patterns to line up, no matter how hard I tried it would not line up! The other day I was thinking about the Lord when the thought came to me, the church is like a quilt! We are all different! Different backgrounds, cultures, colors, Christian walks, but yet God has put us all together! Yes, there are some people that will be more like you than others, but God has called us to line up with them all so we can be sewn together! Take for example one hue of a fabric, there all different shades of that hue, but still it is the same color, we are all accepted by God, therefore we have to accept others as they are...In our life's there will be people that rub us the wrong way, but you know what? Every person you come across in your life can teach you something, and honestly it may be how not to be, but if you keep that attitude you will end up learning a lot of cool lessons from the people God sends your way! In a church setting we must value others no matter what they bring to the table! I think the most beautiful quilt I have ever seen was a rainbow colored one, I just loved seeing all the colors represented! I'm not only referring to skin color, I mean peoples ministries, their cultures, and their ideas too, As children we are often taught that blues go together, reds go together..etc, but there is so much more beauty in a rainbow! Really the easy way out is “grouping” yourself together with someone who is like you, but you know in my life I have learned so much from people that weren't “just like me” my biggest blessings have come from those situations! A quilt would look really weird if one square was missing, it just wouldn't be finished, just as our church is not complete if all are not valued or in their proper place! Quilts have to be double sometimes triple sewn together so they can hold up to being used regularly, the same goes for us, we have to be strongly bound together with our brothers and sisters so we can stand and “stay” together when the storms come and the winds blow, and when the devil tries to rip us apart!! Look around the church see the beauty, not the problems, because God has put us where we are for a reason, ..stay “sewn” together with them, enjoy their “colors” , learn the lessons you are meant to learn from them! Enjoy God's quilt!! I love y'all...

I truly want my life to matter to the people around me! I want my kids to some day rise up and call me blessed. I want the light of my life to shine into the darkness of someone's heart that doesn't know Him or maybe they do, but they are just struggling. I really have a burden for mothers of small children, maybe it is because I am one! I think it is the ministry that gets the least amount of recognition, except on Mothers day! There are times when we feel like we just wasted our time going to church, because we spent so much time out with our kids. A guy friend of ours once said, “I have been watching our 2 kids while my wife is working, and I'd rather have 2 jobs than stay at home with my kids...because it is so hard!” It was like a light went on for him, people don't realize how hard it can be, until they do it! I really want to encourage you mothers, it is a hard job...ministry at times, but the rewards are and will be evident for the rest of their life's! I'm telling you it is worth it the minute you see your child baptized, filled with the Holy ghost or when they raise their hands to God...I watch my kids in church sometimes and I just well up, knowing they worship, and really they are there because of the “job” I do..we do! So, please you mom's NEVER forget how important you are, you matter so much more than it feels like sometimes..so much more than you know! I love y'all..